This Crazy Life

Today I sit here and reflect.  Today I want to help.  Probably not today, but in the future.  In the future I hope to help all the moms and dads, sisters and brothers, grandparents and relatives (you get the point) going through hell.  Yes, hell.  There is no other way to describe this journey.  And unless you have literally been through it you can never fully grasp the sheer level of horror of caring for someone with an eating disorder.  That’s why I’m sitting here today to tell our story.  Today I am stressed out, anxious, scared and excited.  I have 2 days left of my daughter in PHP (a partial hospitalization program for eating disorders), before I am thrown to the wolves and left to handle life on my own.  Don’t get me wrong, we have established an outpatient team (more on that later as that is a feat unto itself), and we have 12 appointments and counting in April alone.  However, the brunt of her care will now fall on my shoulders as she will be home all day long, instead of only the evenings.  Shortly we will be packing up our apartment in North Carolina and returning back home to Missouri.  A home I have not been in since January.  A home my daughter has not been in since November.  We’re going to have to figure out how to readjust to life.  I know she has come so far since November, but the past continues to haunt my dreams.  So today I’m going to enjoy the time and focus on me and everything I have learned.  Today is a good day.  No one knows what tomorrow will bring.