This Crazy Life

We’re going to go back, way back, back to when I found out I was pregnant with twins.  I will never forget this day.  I went to my ob apt, alone, and was getting an ultrasound to date the pregnancy.  The ultrasound tech goes look, there are two.  I looked at her I’m sure with questions in my eyes, and she said, yes,see right here and right there, two.  You’re having twins.  I’m pretty sure panic spread across my face instantly.  Enough that the tech asked me if I was ok.  I said no, I’m not.  I still have a baby at home and you’re telling me I’m having twins.  I am a planner by nature.  I like things going according to my plan.  I had planned on having 2 kids close together.  I had planned on having 2 kids in daycare.  Our car worked for 2 kids.  Our house worked for 2 kids.  Our life worked for 2 kids.  3 kids was never what we had talked about, it was never what I had planned.  I then had to go to the waiting room to wait to meet with the doctor again, because I wasn’t just having twins, I was having identical twins, and they couldn’t see the membrane separating them at this point.  So yeah, that was fun, luckily later on they saw the membrane and we were not as high risk as we could have been.  Anyway, back to my story.  I called my husband first, I told him he better sit down.  I told him we were having twins.  He really took the news a lot better than I did.  Next, I called my mom, by this point I was crying.  Again, she was much happier than I was.  She had always wanted twins.  I told her she could have mine.  Finally on the way home I called a friend.  She helped talk me down from the ledge and I was better by the time I got home.  Long story short, the twins were born, life moved on, the girls grew up, blah, blah, blah.  Twins may look like fun and games from the outside, matching outfits, cute little twin things, etc.  However, from the inside they are a lot of work.  At least my girls were.  They have always been extremely competitive.  They were always competing against the other one.  Yes, them made them both better, but they were constantly pushing the other one.  There was no dominant twin in my house.  They would always fight for the dominant role and would never let the other one claim it.  The girls did swim team for several years.  The two were always body lengths ahead of all the other kids in the pool.  One parent even commented about them having their own built in pace car.  And that’s exactly what it was.  They didn’t need to compete with anyone else, they were going to compete with each other.  Always.  So, I’m sure you’re wondering at this point what this has to do with eating disorders.  It has a lot actually.  Strong personalities.  Competitiveness.  Perfectionism.  Those are all characteristics of people that are very common in people that suffer from eating disorders.  Identical twins have a higher rate than the average public for suffering from an eating disorder (don’t ask me actual percentages, I’ve read several numbers, but all points to they are more likely to suffer from one than me or you).  Then if one identical twin has an eating disorder the other one is even more likely to have one as well.  I know several families that have both identical twins suffering at this very moment.  Think about it, it’s a perfect storm.  Eating disorders are very competitive.  They want to be the best.  Who better to compete with than yourself?  Who’s going to eat less.  Who’s going to be the thinnest.  I honestly can’t imagine going through this with two children at once.  One is exhausting enough.  Even now with only one sick child she’s always comparing herself to her sister.  Did she eat enough?  I don’t think she ate enough.  What did she eat for breakfast this morning?  How much more do you think I weigh than she does?  She never once asks these questions about her older sister.  Never.  Some nights I will still sit and thing, what if they had never found two babies on that first ultrasound.  What if I only had one.  How would my life be different.  Would we be going through the hell we are currently in.  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade any of my girls for anything, but sometimes you just think, what if?