This Crazy Life

How do you know it’s time to send your child back to residential?  How do you know it’s time to leave the rest of your family at home so you can go live elsewhere while your sick child does PHP?  This is what I’m really struggling with currently.  Her team thinks she needs a higher level of care.  I don’t really disagree.  But I just can’t wrap my mind around doing that all again this soon.  Is it bad to just keep her stable for a few months so my other kids get a mom?  Or am I just dragging out the torture she feels internally?  I know there isn’t really a right or wrong answer.  But sometimes just typing it out helps a lot.  I feel like her team has given up on her.  She’s too sick.  They don’t know what to do.  But I don’t think that’s true.  She is definitely not as sick as she was in November.  She will talk and interact with her team.  But I hate the idea of keeping her sick longer than I must.  But my other family needs me too.  How do you pick and choose between kids?  My therapist gave me the homework this week of making a pro and con list of sending to residential now vs waiting.  I’ve been making this list in my own head for a couple of weeks, but she mentioned sometimes it can help seeing it in writing.  I can see this.  It makes sense.  Then we’ll talk about it on Tuesday.  In the meantime, I’m going to keep thinking and planning and dreading.  I wish I could just make her better.