This Crazy Life

Her first hospital stay was the beginning of June 2021.  I’m sure I could get actual dates, if I looked, but beginning of June 2021 is close enough.  She had her first dietician apt that morning.  The dietician was the first apt I could get her in based on her age and our location and I had to wait a month for that.  She of course had nothing to eat before and would not eat anything there.  She also would not talk to the dietician at all.  The dietician told me I needed to take her to the ER.  She was going to call them and let them know we were coming.  So, we left and went home first, and she actually ate.  The dietician called me to check in as we hadn’t gone to the hospital yet.  I told her she ate when we got home so we were just waiting.  The dietician said we still really should go.  I was honestly afraid she was going to call DFS on us if we didn’t take her in. We had no idea what we were in for.  Both her dad and I took her to the emergency room.  It was around 7 that evening.  We sat in the waiting room forever.  Finally, we got back to a room, and they drew labs.  Based on lab results they were going to admit her.  We finally got into a room about 4 am in the morning.  I will never forget this day.  It was so long.  It was so exhausting.  She still liked us at this point.  She was scared.  We were scared.  We were all so naïve and had no idea what to expect.  About 630 they came in to draw more labs and take her vitals.  About 9 am we saw the first doctor and they told us she would start at meal plan A.  They would draw labs daily to check for refeeding syndrome.  The gave us a brochure about eating disorders, the rules and what they do at the hospital.  We would have a Care Assistant in our room 24/7.  They would be responsible for monitoring and timing the meals and the bathroom.  They would be the bad guys so the parents wouldn’t be.  Carrigan started off pretty good.  She ate I think all her meals that day.  By the next day when she realized we would be in the hospital for awhile she started eating less and supplementing more.  She also stopped talking to everyone.  She wouldn’t even acknowledge the doctors or nurses in the room.  She would answer yes or no questions if we asked them just by moving her head.  I was really concerned about her mental state at this point as before we came to the hospital, she was fine.  Happy and talking.  Just not eating.  I felt we had made a huge mistake.  Maybe I imagined this problem.  Maybe she wasn’t really sick.  Watching your child lay motionless in bed for hours at a time and eating every 2 hours was hard.  She eventually earned the privilege of a wheelchair ride.  It’s pretty sad when the day before being admitt4ed your daughter spent 4 hours at cheer practice.  And now they finally feel it’s safe to unhook from the heart monitors and take a wheelchair ride.  It was rough.  It was tough.  It was soul crushing.  I remember spending a lot of this stay in tears.  Then we were getting discharged we met with the hospital dietician.  She gave us information on the meal plan she had advanced to, meal plan H.  She told us the approximate calories.  How we should plate and serve her food.  How we would offer supplements for anything not eaten.  Then we met with the doctors on the ED team.  I remember asking them about residential and what they though going forward would look like.  She was young.  We caught it early.  They thought we would be fine.  I left feeling ok.  We could do this.  I would start working from home and I would feed her.  Boy oh boy were we ever wrong!