This Crazy Life

For the average person understanding just exactly how an eating disorder works is really hard.  Even being a caretaker to someone with a severe eating disorder it’s still hard to understand what it feels like.  I wish I could understand so that maybe I could help her more.  If I could really understand what she was feeling.  Most people assume it’s as easy as just making them eat.  Just tell her to eat.  Ok, you come sit with her for a day and tell her to eat and tell me how well that works for you.  I know it’s not that easy, but over a year into this journey and I still don’t think I understand how hard it is.  Here’s a short story that will maybe help shed light on what goes on in their head when they are struggling bad.  She eats 3 grapes with her breakfast every morning.  She makes this mixed fruit cup similar to what she’s had in the hospital and in it are 3 grapes.  Well last night one of my other daughters had friends over and they slept in the pool house.  In the middle of the night, they obviously got hungry, and they came and got food.  One of these items was the container of grapes.  First let me back up a bit before I get to the grapes.  When my sick daughter saw what they had eaten in the night she was totally disgusted.  They had binged.  That was way too much food.  They shouldn’t eat like that.  First, I reminded her that she was not to comment on others’ eating habits and second, I told her this was normal teenage behavior at a sleepover.  You eat and snack, that’s what you do.  So, then we got to the grapes.  She had to have her grapes.  The grapes were not in the house, they were in the pool house.  So, I went to get the grapes.  She had to wash all the grapes.  And dry them.  The grease from their hands got on them and were going to make her gain weight.  The other food they ate soaked into them and were going to make her gain weight.  She was still not safe after washing them they were still definitely tainted.  But she had to eat them because that’s what she always eats at breakfast.  But she complained the entire time about all the weight she was going to gain from these 3 tarnished grapes.  You honestly can’t even comprehend or make this up.