This Crazy Life

Over one year later and we’re still exactly where we were before.  The violence, the destruction.  It’s all back.  Her sister and one of her sister’s friends walked through the kitchen where she was hiding.  I’m sure they didn’t even see her, but she went berserk.  She destroyed her room.  She destroyed their living room area.  She tried to destroy her sisters’ rooms, but I got them locked before she could get in.  She tried to destroy my room and I stopped her.  She now wants to kill her sister.  She’s currently holding a knife.  My husband is playing guard to the other sister.  When did this become real life?  I feel like I’m living in a fantasy land.  I can’t even bring myself to go upstairs to see the destruction she caused.  I can’t.  Eventually I will because I’ll have no other choice.  But I can’t right now.  How is this real.  How can we make a few steps forward then giant leaps back?  When will this nightmare ever end?  If I pinch myself hard enough, can I wake up?