This Crazy Life

Our first day at McCallum we were both in a meeting with her therapist and dietician and a couple of interns.  I was talking about her struggle to eat foods that I make.  Things where she doesn’t know exactly what’s in them or how they were counted or measured.  We talked about macaroni and cheese.  She wouldn’t eat macaroni and cheese, but she would maybe eat one of the individual serving cups.  I point blank told her that didn’t count because she would only eat that because in her head it didn’t have the butter you put into real (if you can call the box of kraft mac & cheese real) mac & cheese.  I told her no, that’s the issue.  You can eat food that is just the food.  It’s when food is combined you really struggle.  Fast forward to this Monday, 4 weeks later, her twin sister had asked for the Velveeta mac & cheese cups.  So, I included them on my weekly grocery order.  I p8ick up the groceries before I pick her up from programming, so the groceries were in the car.  She saw the mac and cheese cups and was instantly furious.  Why would I buy her sister mac & cheese cups, but not her.  If she had a lunch pass, she could do that for lunch.  I said a mac & cheese cup is not lunch.  Well, she could do some pretzels and fruit with it.  That is still not lunch.  A cup of mac & cheese is a side, not the entrée, this is why you can’t feed yourself; you have no idea how much food you actually need to live.  Well, why will you buy them for her?  Because she will eat them as a snack after school.  If you want to eat them as your afternoon snack, I am sure I can take some to McCallum.  Of course, I didn’t receive an answer.  Then yesterday we went to programming late as she had an eye exam.  She packed her snack to eat in the car.  The conversation went like this.  A full snack is one boost so 350 calories, so If I pack some cottage cheese and fruit that will be enough.  No, that is no where close to 350 calories, that is about 100 and you know that.  Well, that is plenty for snack.  No, it is not.  You need more food.  Your body needs more food.  I really don’t understand why this far into this game we are still so stuck, and I don’t feel like we’re moving anywhere.  I’ve pushed.  I’ve pulled.  I’ve poked.  I’m about ready to give up and let her fall flat on her face.  Nothing else is working.