This Crazy Life

Yesterday I met with her doctor.  It’s been a bit since we chatted, so I figured it was just a check in.  Wrong.  We did labs on Monday and her liver enzymes are high.  Like really high and a huge change from just 2 weeks earlier when we had them done.  They aren’t sure what’s going on and we are pulling labs again Friday and Wednesday to watch them.  I of course start googling and almost anything I find that relates liver enzymes to anorexia is in the early refeeding stages.  We haven’t been refeeding since June.  This far into the process I’ve found nothing other than sometimes it can indicate the level of severity with the ED, which I already know is severe.  That’s not new news.  So, we wait.  I met with my therapist later that same day and we worked on containment.  Visualizing containing information that is stressful and you can’t or won’t deal with right now or possibly ever.  It was perfect. I contained worrying about her labs.  There is nothing I can do other than wait and go from there.  I trust her team.  I know they are watching her.  It’s the most I can ask for.  Then I start getting emails today.  Her heart rate is higher than normal.  They wondered if there are any diet pills or drinks, she could get.  No.  They ask her.  She denies it.  But she can tell her heart is racing.  If I tell you this disease is and will put you through hell that’s not even close to an exaggeration.  I actually think it’s an understatement.  I’m living through hell.  Someday, somehow there must be an end.