This Crazy Life

One thing I had never heard of before McCallum was a correlation between leptin and AN.  I don’t believe my daughter has ever had her leptin levels checked before we came here.  They say there isn’t a ton of research, but their experience has been that leptin plays a role in recovery and where they are in the process and how it will last.  They like to see numbers over 10 and then they are usually in a better place.  Based on her raging ED and her strong ED behaviors they expected her first leptin check to be low.  It came in at a 6.  That really surprised them.  They were expecting it to be much lower.  We were happy it was that good.  Fast forward less than a month later and we pull labs again including leptin.  Her leptin is now 4.5.  Why did it go down?  Her weight has still been increasing.  We are still getting nutrition in her one way or another.  They are worried there might be some exercise being hidden.  I’m going to have to be totally vigilant again.  When do we make any progress.  I feel like we are stuck on this repeating roller coaster, and we can’t get off and there is no end in sight.  She told me the other day that she’s just waiting until I can’t force her to eat.  I won’t be alive forever and then she’ll go back to starving, even if it’s when she’s 80.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I will probably out live her.  But I am still alive, and I will continue to fight for her.  For as long as I humanly can.  But I have to remember that I am human and I do have other people that need me as well, including myself.