This Crazy Life

We got out of the hospital on Sunday.  Hospital stay #7 if you’re keeping count.  They wheeled her out this time.  Her heart is still struggling.  She’s still sick, but she’s stable.  While she was in the hospital, I took her apt times with our dietician and therapist and spoke to them both.  We really want outpatient to work.  We think residential strengthens the eating disorder, but really so does being at home, but we can’t keep going to the hospital every other week either.  So, we decided we’re going to give it one more chance.  We’re going to stagger outpatient apts more throughout the week, so she sees someone more often.  Then when (and it’s definitely when not if) she needs to go back to the hospital we’ll find her a place in residential again.  I hate it.  I don’t like it.  But having a plan is comforting.  They told me that if you staged eating disorders like you do cancer, she would be a stage 4.  I don’t like that, but I understand.  And I also think it helps to open your eyes to other treatment options and thinking outside of the box.  A “normal” eating disorder you may only do x or y or x and y.  But with this we might have to throw anything and everything we can get at it.  Even if the side effects are unknown.  We know what the side effects of starvation are and honestly nothing can be worse than that.  Tomorrow we are also meeting with a cardiologist.  Her last few ekgs have been abnormal.  Her heart rate is jumping over 60 bpm from laying to standing and her blood pressure is low.  I’m not sure the cardiologist will be able to help us, but we figured maybe a specialist telling her how weak her heart is will go over better?  We don’t really think it will help, but again, it can’t hurt so we’re going to try it. So that decision is made.  We know what we’re doing.  Next decision.  She has completely isolated herself.  She does not like to do anything with anyone she knew before the eating disorder.  She hasn’t been in school since 5^th grade.  6^th grade she did the virtual option through the school district and 7^th grade she’s been homeschooled.  Her team and I have talked about pushing her back into school.  We think a small school district near us, that is new, and her sister isn’t in the school will be our best shot.  I know she’s going to hate it and she’s going to resist.  But I really do think it’s in her best interest.  So, I called the school today.  I talked to them.  We have a plan.  We just have to decide when.  She currently has a feeding tube.  I don’t want to send her with a feeding tube.  But is she going to be at home long enough to even make it worth it?  Will it keep her home longer?  I’ve got a lot of dwelling and thinking to do on this one, but at least I know what my options are.