This Crazy Life

This is a treatment program I am currently looking at.  It sounds really promising.  They do brain mapping when they first admit.  They do neuro feedback as a treatment modality.  They keep them in residential treatment longer than just getting them weight restored.  They told me they are really good at fighting insurance companies that want to discharge too early.  I don’t think my insurance will be a problem  based on her history, but you never know.  The average stay is 3-6 months.  It sounds really good, really promising, and it wouldn’t be just doing the same thing over and over again.  Maybe we’d see some movement, maybe we won’t.  My gut says we should try.  However, it’s my heart that is really struggling.  They do no visitation.  Zero.  I would not be able to hug my child for the entire time she’s in treatment.  That seems like a really long time.  I think I could cope.  I have my husband and other kids.  But could she cope?  Without any positive touch for months?  At 13?  So that’s where I’m struggling.  I think it’s the only place I want to try at this point, but I don’t know if I can commit to that yet.  She wants to try at home, she doesn’t want to go to residential again, and definitely not a place without visitation.  But so far using that as leverage for her isn’t working, and I can already see her distress increasing in just the few days we’ve been home from the hospital.  She’s gaining weight too fast, I’m adding oil to her food, her sister touched her food and who knows how many calories were on her hands.  It’s heartbreaking.  I feel like we are stuck in the vicious cycle, but she is SO, SO, SO, afraid of weight gain.  It’s her biggest constant fear.  She rates it a 10 out of 10.  I wish there is someone that could tell us what to do.  I can not make the decisions anymore.  I could send her case to someone and they would say this is what you need to do.  I mean that works for most other diseases.  Why are the parents left to figure this all out on our own.  It doesn’t seem fair at all.