This Crazy Life

This week is our school district’s spring break.  It’s the first time in school history we’ve gotten an actual spring break and have an entire week off.  Typically, we would be on a vacation somewhere warm and tropical.  We would be having fun.  But we haven’t been on a family vacation for 2 years now.  Vacationing with ED sounds like my version of hell.   But being home with ED and my other 2 kids has not been any better.  I think next year we are going to go somewhere, even with ED.  The paranoia has increased so much just having her sisters home and our routine changed.  They make food in the kitchen everything needs cleaned.  And side note, we clean our kitchen after every meal/snack anyway.  Counters get wiped down and dishes in the dishwasher, so it’s honestly not dirty.  But there have been tears, lots of tears, from all the extra weight she’s gaining simply by her sisters being home and living in their house.  Her stuff now needs washed in a separate dish washer.  We have a blink camera in her room so she can see no one is in there.  But we are still adding things.  And doing things, and she’s gaining weight, and she has to decrease.  I am literally 100% exhausted by the end of the day.  I want to run away.  To somewhere warm and tropical!  I know her sisters feel the increased tension too and I hate it for them, I hate it so much.  They shouldn’t feel like they can’t exist in their own house.  But ED makes it so hard, so very, very hard.    And unfortunately, I don’t believe ED is going anywhere ever.  It’s going to keep its evil claws in my sweet child for the rest of her life.  However long that may be.