This Crazy Life

This week has been extra rough.  For her.  Which in turn makes it tough for me.  She had to make another increase, which is always hard, but I think we’re getting to the point that it’s too much.  Sunday, I started receiving a million texts from her.  She’s done doing this at home.  She can’t do it anymore.  No matter what she tries we are all just doing things behind her back that she doesn’t even know how we’re doing them (side note, because we’re not!!).  She hates me, she hates her family, she hates her home.  She isn’t happy here.  She hasn’t been happy here since before she got sick.  It went on and on and on.  It’s hard to know what or how to respond.   I told her I loved her.  We all loved her.  I told her treatment hasn’t worked before but I’m open to ideas.  She doesn’t want treatment either.  It doesn’t help.  But it’s better than being at home.  Have you noticed that home’s the only place I can’t do it at.  I said yes, but that’s because you know treatment is just short term, and you do what you have to do to get out.  Then bam, you come home, and you try to restrict again to get all the weight off.  We all know this.  Treatment doesn’t make you recover; it doesn’t even give you a recovery mindset.  It does nothing but gives everyone a break.  And maybe we all need a break.  She really wants to go live with someone else.  I told her she would have to eat there.  No, she doesn’t.  I told her you say you haven’t been happy at home since before you got sick.  So, you realize that’s the eating disorder right.  The eating disorder has done all of this to you.  You could go back to having a life, and school and friends and sports.  It’s the eating disorder that is isolating you.  Try to fight this even a little bit, I know it’s hard, I know it’s scary, and I’ll be here beside you every step of the way.  NO!  My eating disorder is the only thing I like, it’s the only thing I have, I’m never letting go of it and you can’t make me.  I know you can’t reason with them.  I just wish sometimes she would hear me.  Sometimes she would see what the eating disorder is doing to her.  It’s not her family.  It’s the freaking eating disorder.  I planned a family vacation for the end of June.  I figure it can’t be any worse than life is currently at home.  I hope to keep her home and stable until then.  After that, we’ll figure it out.  Minute by minute, day by day, week by week.