This Crazy Life

Otherwise titled if you don’t know what you’re talking about, keep your mouth shut!  We were just in the hospital again, number 10 if you’re counting.  Two weeks after we were last discharged.  She’s struggling.  Hard.  We are pumping oil into her room through the vents.  She’s gaining weight just sitting locked in her room.  She can’t be at home.  So, back to the hospital.  We have a 1:1 with us at all times in the hospital room.  Most of them are decent.  Some are really good and try to talk to her and engage her.  Some just do their job.  Either way I don’t mind.  Until our last day.  Our CA was making comments to my daughter when I would leave the room or use the bathroom.  She even went too far as to ask if we were thinking about sending her to a residential facility.  My daughter told her yes.  Oh, I could never, ever send my kids away.  Doesn’t your mom know about outpatient and other options.  My daughter didn’t say much.  And luckily for the CA she didn’t tell me about these conversations until we were driving home.  Um, excuse me.  You realize I don’t want to send my daughter away either.  I would love to be able to keep her safe at home.  But I can’t.  And since this all started, I promised my daughter I was not going to let her die.  I don’t care what it takes but she will not die on my watch.  So, whether that is the hospital, or residential, or me sleeping on the floor of her closet with her so I know she’s not getting up at night to exercise, you better believe I will do it.  You better believe it.  And until you’ve had a child that cannot eat or drink because they are so terrified of gaining weight you need to stay in your own damn lane.  I sure hope if you are ever in our position, and your child is on her 10^th hospital stay for medical stabilization that you don’t have a judgy care assistant that is questioning your parenting.  Because I’ll be the first to tell you it sucks.  You judge yourself enough.  You don’t need others doing it for you.  I know there are parents that can successfully care for their child with anorexia at home.  But you know what, there are lots that can’t.  And when your daughter is labeled a severe and extreme case, even more power to you!!  Until then shut your damn math and you better hope we never have you as a CA again COURTNEY!