This Crazy Life

We have always been a vacation family.  I grew up traveling and have worked (hard) to share my love of traveling with the girls.  Anorexia has prevented many family vacations in the last two years.  Don’t worry, we still traveled.  I took the girls on birthday trips with friends and there were cheer competitions and they’ve come to visit while we’ve been out of state in PHP.  But I finally decided enough was enough and we were going on vacation.  She had been home for a few months, I thought it could be possible.   Struggle to eat at home or on vacation is still a struggle.  We’ll do a VRBO.  We’ll go to a national park instead of a beach.  We’ll try it.  Then we started down sliding.  I knew she wasn’t going to be able to go.  I was debating if I could leave her alone.  I mean if she’s not eating or drinking with or without me.  I would just have to get the timing right.  Now she’s in residential.  But she’s struggling.  I’m struggling.  But I’m going.  I can fly home early if I have to.  Or I can fly to St. Louis if I need to.  There are options.  I’m going to work really hard to have a really good time for my husband and our other two kids.  They deserve it.  Will it be weird as heck.  Yes.  Will it break my heart.  Yes.  But can I hopefully enjoy it too.  Yes.  DBT therapy and dialectic thinking.  Two opposite things can both be true at the same time.  This is what I’m going to work on for the rest of this week!