This Crazy Life

She’s gained enough weight.  She’s past her set point.  If she gains any more, she’s not going to be able to do this at home.  She’ll have to lose weight.  But if she can come home now, she will eat at home to maintain.  Nothing more.  She’ll eat when she’s hungry and stop when she’s full (except we have no hunger cues so no idea how she thinks that’s going to happen).  While it certainly sounds good in theory and honestly, I would love it if it would work, I know that it won’t.  We’ll be gaining weight, even when we aren’t.  We’ll restrict and restrict more because she’ll know she’s gaining weight.  While I want to get her into a full and lasting recovery, I know that she’s not there, and while this would be a way she could stay home and stay safe, I know that it’s not as easily done as she thinks it will be.  But either way because she’s done, she’s stopped eating all her meals and snacks.  She’s refusing half of them.  Because she’s not gaining more weight so she’s making her own meal plan.  That and she’s hoping they’ll discharge her for refusals.  Basically, she has her own plans.  And she’s going to do whatever she can in her power for her plans to work.  She begs me daily she needs to come home so she can try to make this work at home.  While I would love more than anything for her to be home, I want to help her so bad.  My heart breaks daily.  I don’t know how we as parents are supposed to do what is best for our child when no one knows what is best.  No one knows how to help them.  And now more and more staff are coming down with covid.  I worry how they are going to keep functioning and we’re losing even more ground as she starts sliding backwards.  Ugh.