This Crazy Life

They recommended a higher level of care.  I knew it was coming.  But I can’t do it.  So we pulled her.  We’re going to try it at home.  Again.  Worse case scenario, she’s back in residential in a month.  Best case scenario she gets into recovery.  More likely scenario we plug along at home for 2-3 months and then wind up in residential.  Only time will tell I guess.  All I can do is try the best I can do.  And give her a chance at life.  A chance to see what she’s been missing.  We’ve done the treatment cycles.  It hasn’t worked.  So I really don’t know that doing it this way is “wrong”.  Is it “right”?  Probably not.  But if it works who really freaking cares.  She’s going to start a homeschool coop next week.  One day a week for 3 hours.  She’ll be around kids.  And not treatment kids.  This will be the first time she’s been around normal, everyday kids in 2.5 years.  That can’t be a bad thing.  I refuse to believe it’s a bad thing.  We got her a recovery coach.  We’re going to try this differently.  Maybe it will help.  Maybe it won’t.  But she’s told me if she goes back to residential she’ll eat there to get home to relapse.  So I don’t see how that is any different than we are.  And maybe we’ll gain some more ground.  I don’t know.  The only thing I do know is I hate this disease.  I hate it with a passion.  More energy and money and effort need to be put into it because it literally destroys lives.  And families.  And people.  But I’ll keep you updated.  Because this is my outlet.  My safe space.