This Crazy Life

I feel like we are on a roller coaster and I need to get off.  I’m working really hard to stay grounded and not ride the ride with her, but damn is it hard.  Monday we had an ok day at the doctor.  She ate.  Not enough, but she ate.  She maintained her weight.  We’re ok.  Is she great?  No.  Is she good?  No.  Is she ok.  Yes.  Her doctor is ok with this.  I’m ok with this.  She started a new tumbling class.   It was “fine” but she was willing to go back.  So everything is ok.  Until today.  She’s gained weight.  Someone’s messed with all of her food (again).  She’s done eating.  She can’t do this anymore.  Like it’s literal night and day flip.  I just tell her she has to eat and we’ll get through it.  Then I’m not doing enough and obviously I don’t care if she starves.  Umm actually I do, but me fighting you doesn’t work.  So I have no idea what I’m supposed to do because everything I do is wrong.  She’s not drinking.  I might as well take the fridge out of her room because she’s not eating anymore.  So I take her to school.  Passing 2 gas stations trying to stop to at least get her a bottle of water.  Nope.  So then as we are turning to go to school she needs water.  So we go to a gas station.  She’s in there forever.  She comes out empty handed.  She couldn’t get my card to work.  They told her she needed a PIN.  It’s a credit card.  There is no PIN.  She says she tried to tell them this. I have no idea.  Then she remembered she didn’t have her apple watch.  She needs her apple watch.  So home we go.  Then we stopped and got water.  Then she went to school.  It’s freaking exhausting.  And I honestly have no idea how to help.  But I can’t go up and down and up and down because my day was literally ruined and I was exhausted before it even started.  Over a bottle of water.  So will she eat tonight?  Will she not eat tonight?  That is the magical question.  And I would say the answer is 50/50 either way.