This Crazy Life

The oil is back.  And it’s everywhere.  She knows she’s gaining weight.  She knows she’s eating more than she’s supposed to.  She knows we’re putting oil on her in her sleep.  She can’t sleep because she doesn’t have enough ways to protect herself from the oil.  It’s like I’m stuck in this world of make me believe.  But it’s not a fairy tale by any stretch of the imagination.  It’s between so maddening that you want to scream and yell and break things and so sad at the same time that you just want to hold her and cry and tell her everything will be ok.  But you can’t hold her.  B/c oil.  Oil from you will seep into her. You can’t kiss her on the forehead or again oil from you will seep into her.  So she’s alone in her room living in constant fear of oil.  It’s not a life.  But I have no clue what to do next.  We go to the doctor on Monday but I’m not sure she’s going to have anything to tell me.  My options are wait until she’s medically not stable and take her to the ER.  Start calling residential places again and send her away, which takes time and she’ll be in the hospital at least between now and then anyway.  Or try to take over all food choices and do FBT which we’ll end up in the hospital then too as she’ll refuse to eat or drink anything either.  And with any option we’re fine for a bit until we’re not.  When will we actually get to stay fine for more than a few days or weeks.  Even 6 months of ok would be amazing at this point.  Give me 6 good months that she’ll eat at least enough to stay stable and engage in life so she can see what she’s missing.