This Crazy Life

So, 9 days after discharge we were back in the hospital.  Again.  Low heart rate, upper 30s while awake.  Orthostatic, heart rate jumped from 38 to 160 upon standing.  Low blood pressure, 61/33, at one point.  But other than that, she’s perfectly fine.  Except she’s not and her body is just so tired.  We obviously can’t keep doing this.  Everyone is recommending residential again.  Which is fine.  Except we’ve done it before.  3 times before in fact.  And it hasn’t helped.  How is it going to help this time?  I feel like we are on this hamster wheel, and we can’t get off.  So, we’ll do residential.  She’ll be gone for Christmas.  Again.  Then she’ll come home and, in a month or two, we’ll be back in the hospital, and we’ll start it all over again.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it?  Then after 2 or 3 times in the hospital they’ll push us back to residential.  And around and around we’ll go.  Where (when) we’ll stop nobody knows.  I did do an assessment w/ ERC yesterday.  For their Denver location.  We’ll see what they recommend later today/tomorrow.  I don’t think they will be any different or the right answer, but I’m being pushed by her doctor, the hospital and insurance.  I really don’t want another CPS visit.  So, I figure we’ll try them this time and see who we try from my list (Laureate or Avalon Hills) next time.  I’ve been back in therapy.  Working on taking care of myself.  It’s a work in progress but I really am trying.  A doctor told me during this last hospital stay that she hated to say it, but she would be dealing with this for life.  I told her I was already working on accepting that fact.  I know she’s going to struggle with this.  I just wish it was an on and off struggle and we could even get 6 months of good out of her.