This Crazy Life

She’s going to admit Thursday.  I hope I can keep her stable until Thursday.  She is not good.  Her oil paranoia is so, so, so awful right now.  She can’t do anything.  She can’t leave her room.  She’s going through a bottle of soap a day.  She can’t do this anymore, she told me last night.  I hate that so much for her.  She doesn’t know that she’s going back to residential again, yet.  We’re telling her today.  And I hate it so much.  I hate to send her away, it literally breaks my heart.  But she’s not living here.  Or interacting with us or doing anything.  I just wish that I was strong enough to help her at home.  Strong enough to make her eat.  Strong enough to kill the eating disorder in this house.  Basically, life just sucks.