This Crazy Life

I’ve mentioned her paranoia is increasing.  This has always gone hand in hand w/ weight decreasing and the eating disorder getting even stronger.  She asked me yesterday when I was going to the store again because she needed more hangers.  I said well I have tons of extra hangers (I’ve just finished cleaning out my closet), I can give you some.  Are they new?  No, they aren’t new but they are hangers.  They are fine (and not like you’re going to be eating them or licking them anyway).  That’s ok.  I’ll just wait.  Well I’m not buying more hangers when we have lots of empty hangers in the house.  But this is another concrete example of the extreme fear of butter, oil, calories, weight gain.  This is what concerns me.  Other than that and the eating she is happy, enjoyable and has a positive attitude.  She’s doing her school.  She’s keeping her room clean.  And people see this and see that she’s “maintaining” and thing we are ok.  And I just know we aren’t.  I just know we are sliding down.  And that scares me.  But I guess we’ve been home for almost 2 months at this point.  We have never made it 2 months.  So I guess we’ll just be happy with what we have currently and go with that.  I need to work on myself and be happy with where we are and live with that.