This Crazy Life

Yesterday was a hard day.  Her knuckles cracked in the night and got blood on her sheets.  So now she needed to wash her sheets and she didn’t have time.  It was late when she got in bed the night before because she just has too many things to do.  The only things she is doing is eating, cooking and cleaning.  But the cleaning, the cleaning is getting worse.  She can’t touch this, she can’t touch that, she can’t move that because that’s not clean.  She can’t hang up her clothes with the new hangers I bought her because they need to be sanitized first.  Everything is a process and everything takes forever.  She’s exhausted.  She’s not getting in bed until late.  She’s waking up early.  She’s on her feet all day because she can’t rest in bed until she showers because then she’s dirty.  She has no other safe spot to sit.  She’s been eating 400 calories a day for 2 months now, the first 3 weeks of that were probably closer to 100 calories a day.  Her body is tired.  Her mind has to be tired.  I asked her last night.  I said I know before the cleaning has been about calories/gaining weight, is that still what all the cleaning is about or is it about dirt/germs now too.  She said it could be both, but sometimes it’s neither, but she doesn’t like to touch something she doesn’t know if anyone has touched it before, without cleaning it.  She asked me why I asked.  I told her, I said I just feel like it’s worse than it’s ever been and it’s making you so you literally can’t do anything else because it’s taking up so much time in your day.  She looked right at me and told me no it’s not.  She does not feel that way at all.  I’m going to talk to her doctor at her next appointment.  And I’m going to send a message to her therapist, but short of that, I honestly don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to help her.  And that’s so hard.  And oh yeah, on top of that, she then didn’t eat dinner last night because she just couldn’t do it.  So far we have not managed breakfast yet either.  I hope we can get her back on track and we don’t end up in the hospital, as I’m supposed to go to a big cheer competition next week with one of her sisters.