This Crazy Life

So we’ve been home for just over a month.  She’s been eating about 1900 calories a day consistently.  The exact same foods everyday.  Weighed to the exact same tenth of a gram.  But we’re eating.  And we’re maintaining weight and we’re hanging on the edge of stability.  So she’s been home.  We haven’t pushed the food much other than eating what she’s eating.  We’ve worked on increasing fluids and are still working on that.  We’ve been working with OCD therapists on exposures and we’re making some ground, and losing other.  More things are getting taped and marked up.  But she’s eating all 3 meals with only one set of gloves on instead of double gloving.  Well, she was.  She also made it for about a 20 minute car ride w/ only a sheet on the car seat instead of a sheet and a towel.  So the next time we left the house I tried to get her to go with only one sheet.  She couldn’t do it.  I said but you did it before.  I didn’t have a choice.  You don’t have a choice now.  You did it then, you didn’t die, you can do it now.  Nothing bad happened.  We don’t know that nothing bad happened.  I haven’t been weighed again we don’t know how much weight I gained.  Yes, you gained all kinds of weight from sitting on only a sheet instead of a sheet and a towel.  But we needed to go get groceries so she could eat so we added a towel.  But we were still going ok.  Until yesterday.  We had a virtual with her dietician.  Based on her Dexa scan she needs to increase calories to protect her bones.  They were talking about even 20 calories a day to start.  Something.  She freaked the f out.  She left the room but continued to listen from the bathroom.  Her dietician and I talked for a bit longer.  Even if we could do a multivitamin a day.  Since she’s eating the same things over and over this would help fill in the gaps.  I said I think we can do that, I’ll let her pick a vitamin even.  So we talked some more and ended the session.  She comes out of the bathroom yelling, screaming, cussing, throwing things.  The past flashed before my eyes.  We haven’t had this for several months.  She starts sweeping things off the table.  She’s not taking a multivitamin.  She’s not increasing.  She’s not working with them anymore.  I told her we are working with them and that’s not an option since when I try to tell her things she tells me I’m not a doctor or a dietician so now we have a doctor and a dietician telling her things but they still are wrong.   Well they don’t know everything either.  They just want to shove food in my face and I don’t care about my bones.  I’m not increasing unless my weight drops or my heart is unstable.  AKA if it’s that or going back to the hospital.  Maybe she’ll increase then.  So then now no one is allowed to help her in the kitchen.  I’m not supervising her anymore.  Though I did sit with her for lunch and dinner and breakfast so I’ll keep working on gaining ground back.  But we’re back to double gloves for all meals and she’s ordered locks to lock things up.  So basically things are moving fantastically along.