This Crazy Life

I don’t know why when you start talking about having kids people don’t pull you aside and tell you the negative parts of being a mom.  They don’t tell you the dirty parts.  They tell you the sunshine and rainbows.  How much would our birth rate go down if people knew the real honest to god truth.  And I promise I will tell people the honest to god truth.  You have one child fighting to live.  She can’t leave the house as she’s doing laundry over and over again.  Constantly washing and rewashing.  Last night everything smelled like maple syrup.  So, it had to be rewashed.  I don’t know what happened today but it was definitely something caloric infecting everything.  Gaining weight is the biggest fear and everything everywhere is sabotaging you.  I listed to a podcast today and mentioned extreme anorexia was almost more like a psychosis.  I couldn’t agree w/ that description more.  She’s not even herself.  She’s most definitely not thinking rationally.  I’m wondering if somehow classifying it as a psychosis allows more intervention and more forcing of treatment?  We also had a doctor’s apt today where they wanted to hospitalize her but I convinced them to give us another week.  She’s not on her death bed today.  We’ll still be safe at home.  But I can’t do the hospital this week for various reasons.  And that probably sounds selfish but when you’ve been in the hospital 20+ times, and you know it’s just a matter of time before you’re back again you really start trying to work around them and doing it when it works best for everyone.  So that’s child 1.  Child 2.  Is now ineligible for high school sports for 2 weeks as she has an F.  This is my child that is currently avoiding school by all means necessary.  Before it wasn’t affecting her grades, but now that she’s missing tests it is.  I have no idea what to do w/ grades like this.  How to proceed.  How to react when you know her mental health is at an all time low.  Then she came home today and told me she had a great conversation with the high school vice principal and they have a plan to get her to school.  She doesn’t even have to go to her classes, she just has to go to the building.  She can sit in the office, in the counselor, in his office.  She can do her work there.  She can get caught up.  She can use a remote room with only one desk.  I think this will help her social anxiety immensely.  So I’m going to stay positive for now.  But we still have an F and we still can’t cheer.  And why the hell did I decide I wanted kids?