This Crazy Life

So I’m currently on vacation 5ish probably w/out my entire family.  Actually, probably more than 5, but we’re going to go with 5 anyway because it’s a nice round estimate number.  But I’m on vacation.  With my other two girls, a friend and my mom.  We’re in Oregon and Washington having an amazing time exploring the coast and seeing Twilight sites.   It’s weird to be happy and feel like I’m in a good place when one of my daughters is at home ordering locks and curtains to make sure no one can peek in and see the combination on her locks.  But I am.  I really am.  I think my family is in a good place.  My girls, who are all (older – tears) teenagers now can even tell you how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown emotionally.  Coming from a household without much emotion and not being taught how to correctly display emotion I’ve worked really hard at it.  I’ve worked not to be the victim.  I’ve worked not to take things personally.  I’ve worked to have open and honest conversations with everyone in my life.  And it’s so nice when they can even see it and appreciate it.  And I hope that makes their futures that much better.  But I really am ok.  I’m in a good spot.  I’m happy with my other kids and I know my third daughter is ok at home.  She’s far from good, but she’s not in the hospital and not currently on the verge of hospitalization.  We’ve gained some weight the last 2 months.  We’re eating.  She’s maintaining at least the status quo.  And I’m ok with that.  I’m sure some people look at us and think we’re crazy.  But until you’ve been in our shoes you really have no idea.  My husband and I are in a good place.  Everything is just ok.  If you’ve been with me from the beginning, you know this has been a long process.  I’ve also given up on full recovery.  But if we can keep her ok, I’m going to be ok with that.  And maybe someday she’ll be ready to take some big steps forward.  But until then, I’m going to enjoy life as much as possible and I’m not going to count down the days to 3.5 months which seems to be our back to the hospital timeline.  I really think we can pass that this time!