This Crazy Life

I read a really good post a couple of weeks ago on an OCD board for caregivers.  It was a mom that had OCD herself and had been working on it for years and how she still has times when she can’t just control it even though she now knows what’s happening.  It’s still extremely overwhelming.  My oldest daughter is showing signs of OCD.  Not in the same way as my ED/OCD daughter.  But I am noticing the obsessive thoughts and not being able to get “sticky” thoughts out of her head.  I told her I thought we should increase her anti-anxiety meds as the dosage for OCD is higher than anxiety.  Her response.  Oh, my therapist told me I should probably see about doing that.  Insert angry face.  So, we reached out to her doctor and we increased her dose.  I do think we’ll need to go up one or two times yet to get the real benefits for the OCD but we’ll take it a step at a time.  I am forever grateful that she is willing to try meds and has no reason why she can’t.  I’m also hoping if the meds can really help her that maybe her sister will see how good she is doing and will reconsider them for herself.  But in the meantime, I was talking to her sister about how she copes to try to come up with strategies for her sister who is much newer to this.  The text she sent me is heartbreaking.  Laying in bed wanting to die because it’s too much.  Singing as loud as she can when she does laundry so hopefully, she doesn’t worry too much about the clothes not being clean and having to start all over again.  Watching a video over and over and over again worried that someone got her phone, accessed the video, and cut themselves out of the video but they were in the fridge messing with her food.  It’s heartbreaking how the simplest things can be so hard.  I will never take for granted the ability to just live again.  Even if the living seems to suck, it could be so much worse.