This Crazy Life

We took an almost family vacation to New York.  It was short and sweet, but all my kids (plus one) went!  My husband was not able to go due to work, but we are all ready planning an entire family vacation for later in the year.  Friday night our flight got diverted due to weather at LaGuardia and we ended up in Albany.  This was pretty stressful for her as she had ordered food to be delivered to the hotel that evening after we got there, and now it was going to be delivered before we were there.  She did not think she was going to be able to eat it.  But spoiler alert, she did.  We didn’t have to reorder food.  She was able to make it work.  We struggled getting water, but she says she drank enough.  Luckily, we don’t have a doctor’s appointment for a couple of weeks, so she has time to get back into eating and drinking adequately in between now and then.  But back to the trip.  So, the flight in Friday was stressful.  She had a good Saturday.  She participated.  Talked to her sisters.  We went on a dinner cruise that night, she didn’t go, but I was ok with that.  Sunday was not a good day.  She was stressed a lot.  Wished she had never come.  She was stressed.  Nothing was right.  She wouldn’t take pictures.  She wouldn’t talk to us.  I reminded her that night that tomorrow was a new day.  She told me that it didn’t matter.  Nothing would just be better.  But it was, Monday was a better day.  They got along better, she let us take pictures.  Life was closer to “normal”.  Then we flew home on Tuesday, and she was really pretty ok for the flight too.  I had to help her put her carry on up and I put my drink down on her seat.  But she was able to just wipe it down and sit for the flight.  So that was good.  We had a pretty good, long, heartbreaking talk.  She was glad she came.  But then she just realizes how much she doesn’t fit in.  With her sisters or her family.  How she doesn’t have any friends.  She doesn’t know where her people are.  She’s working so hard to eat and live every day because she wants to get a job and move out at 18, but she doesn’t know if it’s worth it some days because she tries so hard, but she still just isn’t having fun.  It’s hard.  And how do you help your almost 16-year-old daughter make friends.  Find herself.  When up until recently she couldn’t even leave the house.  She’s not in school.  She’s not in any clubs/groups.  I tried to tell her even just leaving her space more and coming into the house would make her feel like she fits in with the family even more.  But I don’t think she even wants to do that.  She said her stress level is so high at the house.  It feels almost like a trauma response to me.  She says she doesn’t realize how much better she feels somewhere else until she must come back home and her stress level skyrockets.  She’s living in flight/fight 24/7 at home.  That’s a lot.  But she went on vacation.  I have happy pictures and memories of all 3 of my kids together.  For the first time in over 4.5 years.  It’s a win.