This Crazy Life

She’s been at her job for 2 months.  And it’s been going ok.  There have been a couple of struggles leaving the house, but for the most part it’s been really successful.  She’s enjoying getting out and being around people.  So many people around town have seen her and sent me positive messages.  However, her last doctor’s appt was not positive.  Her weight was down, her heart rate was down, her blood pressure was down.  She could have technically been hospitalized, but thanks to a great doctor that knows that’s not for the best we stayed home.  She told her she had to cut down working or increase her intake.  She agreed to increase her intake by 80 calories a day.  So that’s something.  And she did it really pretty willingly.  We go back next week so we’ll see how that goes.  And hopefully the job continues to be a huge motivation for her.  However, I’m not ok.  I’m really struggling and even writing this is hard even though I have written it out before.  I don’t know how to ask for help, but I need help.  And my husband is just mad at me because he thinks I’m ignoring him on purpose.  Instead of asking what’s wrong or how he can help or what I need.  So I just lay in bed for hours at a time.  I don’t know how to pull out of it.  I can put on a good face for one of my kids.  Another one I really don’t see or talk to much at all and my last one is my sick kid and I find myself getting frustrated with her easily even though I know she’s doing ok.  I just feel like I’m royally messing everything up that I could do so much more with my life and I’m just lazy and worthless and then that just compounds and compounds and all I want to do is sleep all day.  What do you do when you are like this?  I’m in therapy.  Though I haven’t been able to talk to her for 4 weeks, so maybe it’s her fault I haven’t had more support.  Hahahaha, just kidding!  I’m on meds.  I recently started a new vitamin routine to see if that could help.  Give me your ideas.