This Crazy Life

It’s a new year and 2026 is going to be my year.  I have big goals, big dreams and a lot of things I want to accomplish.  I started off the year sick.  We returned from vacation on 12/31 and I got the flu.  Hard.  I think I’m just finally back to life with full energy (not that, that is much energy, but I think I’m back to normal).  It sucked to start the year off on a bad note when I had big plans.  But we are recovering and moving forward.  We also started the year with a doctor’s appointment for my ED daughter.  I had talked to my therapist the week before about how well she was doing and how proud of her I am.  And she is.  I’m not trying to belittle all the wonderful, great, progress we have made!  But on the ED side.  It’s still there and it’s still so strong.  She’s still unhealthy.  Her body is just barely hanging on.  Her doctor talked to her about 80 calories a day to her diet.  She agreed to 40.  Which like one of my other daughters said is like a Hershey kiss (not that she would touch a Hershey kiss with a ten-foot pole, but the point is 40 calories really is nothing).  So we got 40 calories.  Weight, heart rate and blood pressure are all down.  She’s trying to keep her out of the hospital and from breaking a bone.  Her physical exam was also worse.  She still has it on her forms, severe and enduring anorexia, extreme subtype.  Malnutrition worsening.  At the risk of hospitalization.  It’s so crazy to be how she can be doing better in so many regards.  But like I told her doctor.  If someone not in her life met her out or at a grocery store, they would wonder who was taking care of this child.  Who was letting her live life like this.  Living locked in essentially a one-bedroom apartment.  Alone.  Eating only the exact same foods every day.  Counting every calorie.  Scared of oil or fats or calories being on every possible surface and causing weight gain.  If she described her life and process of staying “safe” you would think she was absolutely insane.  And wonder where her parents were.  Who was her doctor.  Anyway, I told her doctor this and we both laughed and then cried and then agreed.  I was right.  But she’s come so far.  And unless someone recognized that they wouldn’t even understand that this is “good” for her.  That this is her “living”.  We haven’t been in the hospital for 10 months.  She’s been out of treatment for almost 2 years.  She has a job.  She’s leaving the house.  Hopefully we can continue to make life improvements, and the eating will follow along.  Hopefully.