Category: Eating Disorder
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Feeling Alone
I’m used to being alone. In fact, I crave alone time a lot. But what has become more and more obvious these past few months is just how alone I really am. Last night a mom text me to check in on my daughter. Our daughters were roommates for a brief period in residential and…
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When Do you Get to Give Up or Take a Break?
This has been on my mind a lot. When do I get a break. When do I get to say I’m ok with her being not ok. Is that possible? As a mom? Do you ever get to sit back and say I’m ok with my daughter being severely sick with anorexia? The other eating…
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The Things No One Tells You
I thought I knew about eating disorders. Anorexia, you don’t eat, you get skinny, end of story. Bulimia you binge and purge. It seemed easy enough. I never realized how far off the little bit I knew was. I didn’t know not only could anorexia kill you but it could destroy the entire family. The…
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Listening to your Heart vs Your Gut
What do you do when your heart and your gut are in a constant state of disagreement. She’s lost more weight. The eating disorder is getting stronger. You can tell. Her quality of life is shit. But she’s home. And she’s so much happier at home than anywhere else. My gut says it’s time to…
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Mud
It’s mud season in the Midwest. And we live in the country on gravel roads. There is lots of mud here. A normal person probably has no idea how mud can even possibly relate to an eating disorder. But it can. Boy can it. My daughter is a huge animal lover. That is one of…
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Spring Break
This week is our school district’s spring break. It’s the first time in school history we’ve gotten an actual spring break and have an entire week off. Typically, we would be on a vacation somewhere warm and tropical. We would be having fun. But we haven’t been on a family vacation for 2 years now. …
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Paranoia
Or maybe a should title this my 13-year-old wants to live in a house alone. The paranoia in our house has reached all-time high levels. Not only are we adding butter and oil to food, sealed food at that, but we are also adding butter and oil to her napkins and cups. And it’s wafting…
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Three Weeks
Today marks three weeks home from the hospital. Three weeks that we’ve maintained stability. I think this is our longest stretch ever. I can tell it’s getting harder. I’m getting accused every meal and snack of messing with something. The paranoia is increasing every time anyone enters the kitchen or the garage. She knows someone…
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I Feel, not I Am
Friday, we met with her therapist and dietician. I think we had good appointments with both of them. She of course talks about us adding to all of her food. How she knows we are. We spent a lot of time talking about how we aren’t, and the scale is showing that. Her therapist asked…
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Three Tenths of a Pound
Three tenths of a pound, that’s what we’re down on week 1. I emailed her dietician so she would know before we met with her today. She asked how I felt about it. Honestly, I expected her to be down more than that, so I’m happy. I know it’s still a loss, but it’s small…
This Crazy Life 