This Crazy Life

9 days later we’re home.  I was nervous coming home.  I never know what to expect.  Will she eat.  Will she drink.  Will she be better for a bit.  I do think her mood was much improved in the hospital and when we first got home.  I think she felt better.  But she’s already not eating enough.  She’s already paranoid about everything.  I’ll be honest, I don’t see this lasting long.  We’re supposed to go on vacation in approximately 5 weeks.  I want to go; I want her to go.  My goal is to keep her stable until then.  Then we’ll probably be back in the hospital and then back into treatment.  Unfortunately.  I wish I could help her more.  I don’t know why I can’t do this.  Why others can.  Why some kids can get better.  And others just get stuck.  School is out for my other 2 kids next Tuesday.  So then they’ll be home more, friends will be around more, the house will be busier.  I’m happy about that, but it’s also going to make life so much harder for her.  For me.  For everyone.  Maybe I should send her to treatment sooner, maybe it will improve her mood.  Maybe it will help.  Maybe this time will work better.