This Crazy Life

This isn’t about anorexia or eating disorders.  This is about me.  Whoever me is, I don’t even know anymore.  What do you do when you just feel like you can’t do it anymore.  All of it.  Not just the eating disorder, but all of this life.  All of these teenage problems.  Husband problems.  Work problems.  It’s just too much.  I can’t do it.  I don’t know how to keep going every day doing the same thing when it’s just too much.  I’m in therapy.  I’m on medication.  I’ve been trying really hard to work on myself.  But I have no one to talk to.  No one to unleash all the feelings inside of me.  No one to tell that I’ve completely screwed up not only my entire life but my family’s entire life.  If I just disappeared things would be better.  They can’t be any worse.  But then I don’t know how to just disappear.  I know people do it.  I’m intelligent and capable.  I have money and I have skills.  How do you just leave and never look back.  Would that trauma be less than the trauma I am causing them daily?  Could I move on?  Could I be happy?  Would I always wonder what if? I don’t know, but I’m really, really struggling.