This Crazy Life

I feel like sometimes everyone just needs a good ugly cry.  You watch people posting their kids moving into their dorms and their first day of school.  While yours is doing online school at a community college.  You watch kids starting school while yours lives in the basement scared of her own shadow.  You watch people having friends and enjoying life and you can barely get through a day w/out taking a nap and just want to run away and hide.  But then tomorrow I might be ok.  I have therapy tomorrow.  I’ll be fine then.  It’s just the rule of life.  When today everything I think, say or do makes me want to cry.  For hours.  I feel so inadequate as a person.  I fail as a mom, as a wife, as a sister as a friend.  I fail as an employer.  I fail as a daughter.  No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try I am not good enough for anyone.  I thought I had an epiphany the other day.  I thought the reason I try so hard to make everyone happy is because I’m not happy.  While I still think this is true.  I don’t know how to make myself happy.  And I’m not sure the things I’m doing for other people make them happy either.  Or if they just get used to me being an annoying pain in the ass.  I think either is possible.  Would people be better off without me.  Probably.  Will I disappear.  Probably not.  Maybe I’ll just go lay in my closet tonight with doors locked and cry for a few hours.  Or I really need to clean the gym.  No one will come down there.  I could get a good cry in there.