This Crazy Life

She’s done.  She can’t continue eating.  She’s absorbing so much already that she’s gaining too much weight.  I told her eating isn’t optional.  Eating is a requirement of living.  But it’s not when you absorb so much through the air.  She’s stopped letting me see what she’s eating again.  She’s backing us into a corner…

This week has been extra rough.  For her.  Which in turn makes it tough for me.  She had to make another increase, which is always hard, but I think we’re getting to the point that it’s too much.  Sunday, I started receiving a million texts from her.  She’s done doing this at home.  She can’t…

We met with her doctor yesterday.  I really like her and think she completes our team well.  She doesn’t believe residential is the answer and will do everything she can to help keep her at home.  I know weight helps a lot of kids and you just add weight, and they can work for recovery. …

We lost a pound last week.  This was our biggest loss yet.  And yes, it is plural b/c I feel it even more than she does I’m certain.  This puts us down 4.5 pounds in 10ish weeks.  For us, this isn’t awful.  It’s really not bad.  A pound in a week is scary though.  Is…

My two twins got into it yesterday afternoon after school.  I’ve mentioned before about the tension in the house.  Well my sick daugther’s twin sister just has such a chip on her shoulder.  She finds her sister (who used to be her best friend) so frustrating and annoying.  She doesn’t understand why nothing can touch…

You know what’s not socially acceptable?  Hating your child.  Thinking in your head multiple times of day how much you hate them.  Yes, I know it’s the eating disorder.  Yes, I know it’s not her.  Yes, I know she’s very sick.  But sometimes, and by sometimes I mean multiple times a day, I can only…

I’m used to being alone.  In fact, I crave alone time a lot.  But what has become more and more obvious these past few months is just how alone I really am.  Last night a mom text me to check in on my daughter.  Our daughters were roommates for a brief period in residential and…

This has been on my mind a lot.  When do I get a break.  When do I get to say I’m ok with her being not ok.  Is that possible?  As a mom?  Do you ever get to sit back and say I’m ok with my daughter being severely sick with anorexia?  The other eating…

I thought I knew about eating disorders.  Anorexia, you don’t eat, you get skinny, end of story.  Bulimia you binge and purge.  It seemed easy enough.  I never realized how far off the little bit I knew was.  I didn’t know not only could anorexia kill you but it could destroy the entire family.  The…

What do you do when your heart and your gut are in a constant state of disagreement.  She’s lost more weight.  The eating disorder is getting stronger.  You can tell.  Her quality of life is shit.  But she’s home.  And she’s so much happier at home than anywhere else.  My gut says it’s time to…