This Crazy Life

So I’m currently on vacation 5ish probably w/out my entire family.  Actually, probably more than 5, but we’re going to go with 5 anyway because it’s a nice round estimate number.  But I’m on vacation.  With my other two girls, a friend and my mom.  We’re in Oregon and Washington having an amazing time exploring…

We are currently at a holding spot.  She’s stable.  From a medical perspective.  From every other perspective she is not.  She’s living on Perfect bars, but she’s happy.  She went mini golfing the other day.  This is the first thing out of her room she’s done in a long time other than doctor apts and…

I had therapy today.  I actually feel like I’m in a decent place.  My daughter has been out of the hospital for almost 5 weeks.  We aren’t shopping for groceries daily.  We go once a week when we go to the doctor.  It’s still a long and stressful trip but it’s not every day.  She’s…

So we moved a washer and dryer into her closet.  Accommodating, yes, but at some point it’s about survival.  This was to make life easier for everyone else in the house.  She doesn’t have to leave her room and area at all to do laundry.  No one else is using it.  No one else can…

People have been recommending a higher level of care.  Her OCD therapists for awhile now, the other doctor in the practice and now her primary care doctor has mentioned it.  Rogers is where we’ve talked about.  I looked at Rogers 4 years ago and then went with Veritas.  I know they are a good program,…

That’s it.  That’s all I have to say.  Life is Dumb.  I’m exhausted.  I’m tired.  I’m heartbroken.  I’m broken.  I’m spending my days running all over the place to find “safe” food for my daughter b/c someone might contaminate the food at any given grocery store on any given day.  We are buying food for…

We’re becoming regulars.  Again.  And I’m back to not knowing what to do.  Do you keep her home.  Do you try residential again.  This last time we came home on a feeding tube.  However, their was a problem getting supplies so she’s taken it out while we wait and we’re going to end up back…

We’re back in the hospital.  It all got to be too much.  Keeping stuff safe was too much work.  Eating and drinking wasn’t happening and we are starting to wear her down on trying medicine.  So we’re back in my favorite, most expensive hotel, with the worst accommodations.  But she’s safe.  That’s what I keep…

My daughter suffers from severe contamination OCD, it all stems back to the ED, but it is displayed as OCD.  We were making some progress and then we weren’t.  Nothing is safe.  Everything has had oil added to it.  She’s going to gain weight if she uses it, yes these are things she uses, not…

I don’t know why when you start talking about having kids people don’t pull you aside and tell you the negative parts of being a mom.  They don’t tell you the dirty parts.  They tell you the sunshine and rainbows.  How much would our birth rate go down if people knew the real honest to…