This Crazy Life

It’s a new year!  I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I want to improve myself in 2025.  Things I want to accomplish.  Who I want to be.  I’ve been listening to podcasts for inspiration, if you have any good ones let me know!  I’ve been trying to find myself.  I can’t make other people…

Merry Christmas!  We are all home and under one roof.  Christmas looked a little different than it has in years past.  But the kids are older anyway.  Every year is going to be different I’m afraid as they grow up more and more.  When you don’t have kids and only teens it’s hard.  I feel…

A lot of my depression comes from feeling like I’ve lost my family.  We are not the same as we were pre anorexia.  We used to be fun.  We used to have fun.  We used to enjoy each others’ company.  Now I’m not sure any of those statements are true.  I’ve talked to my therapist…

This isn’t about anorexia or eating disorders.  This is about me.  Whoever me is, I don’t even know anymore.  What do you do when you just feel like you can’t do it anymore.  All of it.  Not just the eating disorder, but all of this life.  All of these teenage problems.  Husband problems.  Work problems. …

We are home for Thanksgiving!  Now we have to smell proof her room(s) or it’s not going to be a good day.  But she’s home.  I don’t have to worry about splitting time between home and the hospital.  And getting to enjoy hospital food for Thanksgiving.  I get to have my family together.  Under one…

I know she’s going to have bad moments.  Or even bad days.  But what is really hard is when you see her having a bad day after a bad day after a bad day.  The fear in the pit of your stomach that never actually leaves intensifies because you just feel it coming.  I don’t…

I was sure we’d go back to the hospital on Monday.  Positive.  She’s not eating what we think she needs to eat, but she is eating a bit more than when we went to the hospital.  But we didn’t.  We are home.  For another 2 weeks.  Which is huge to me.  Obviously if things change,…

Even when you know the hospital is coming.  Even when you know it’s going to happen.  I’m not going to lie, it still fucking sucks.  You can never properly prepare to have your kid in the hospital.  Whether it’s the first time or the three thousandth time.  Can you become numb.  Absolutely.  But does it…

What do you do when you’re trying so hard, but it’s just not enough.  We went to the doctor on Monday.  Her weight and vitals are down, but we decided to keep her at home and working on adding some more food.  We then got labs and went home.  Then I got a call from…

And the weight just keeps falling off and the vitals keep dropping.  She did increase 150 calories yesterday.  And is planning on doing that.  But when you’re only eating 1100 calories a day, so now 1250, that’s still not enough.  Especially when you’re dropping 1.5 pounds in 2 days.  But she’s still eating and she’s…