This Crazy Life

We are on the brink of hospitalization.  Monday she decided in order to have more of a “normal” life she wasn’t going to exercise/move anymore.  Ok, fine.  But in order to people able to do that she’s cutting what she’s eating.  I have not had a chance to calculate it yet, but I will.  I’m…

A day.  For days on end.  That’s how many steps she’s been doing.  How?  When?  Where?  How did I miss this?  She told me she’s been doing this since her old doctor.  So, since February/March.  But she hasn’t.  It’s been since early September.  It was increasing in August but then it spiked just a couple…

Hopes and dreams are a beautiful thing.  Especially when you have a child that hasn’t had any for a really, really long time.  The other day she told me that maybe she could go back to school after Christmas break.  She would have to leave for lunch and eat in the car with me or…

Wash, rinse and repeat.  That is the story of our lives.  I see it as the story for the rest of my life.  And That My Friends is a DEPRESSING FEELING.  But if it’s what we have to do, then I guess it’s what we have to do.  I started back in therapy for me. …

So we’ve been home for just over a month.  She’s been eating about 1900 calories a day consistently.  The exact same foods everyday.  Weighed to the exact same tenth of a gram.  But we’re eating.  And we’re maintaining weight and we’re hanging on the edge of stability.  So she’s been home.  We haven’t pushed the…

School starts next Tuesday.  It seems like this summer was nonexistent.  Looking back, I remember we started our hospital journey before school was even out for the summer.  So I spent a month and a half actually in the hospital.  Let alone the time recovering at home, doctor’s appts, etc, means this summer really was…

We’ve made it one and a half weeks at home!  It may not sound like much, but it’s a record since the middle of May when this cycle of in and out of the hospital started.  And she’s eating.  And she’s stable.  And we’ll be home for at least another week.  Well unless she just…

So, we’ve met w/ a new OCD team twice 4 times now.  Last time we started thinking of exposures we could work on.  This week I sat in on the call.  Let me tell you.  It’s a lot.  It’s depressing.  And overwhelming.  And I have no idea how we are ever going to get to…

Stubborn is an understatement.  She went to the hospital this last time.  Well back up.  She was on a feeding tube, continuous pump getting 3500 calories of ensure.  Allegedly.  At her doctor apt on Monday her heart rate was up, her blood pressure was low, and she had lost 3 pounds.  She had been having…

What do you do when nothing works.  When she’s trying harder than she’s ever tried but it’s just not enough.  When you can’t stay out of the hospital.  When the OCD is so bad.  When you don’t see how a different residential would help as you’ve done it 4 times.  Honestly just keeping her alive…