This Crazy Life

I’ve mentioned her paranoia is increasing.  This has always gone hand in hand w/ weight decreasing and the eating disorder getting even stronger.  She asked me yesterday when I was going to the store again because she needed more hangers.  I said well I have tons of extra hangers (I’ve just finished cleaning out my…

Wednesday her doctor told her she had maintained.  She told her to keep doing what she was doing.  I left the appointment feeling good.  She hadn’t lost more.  She brought it up on her own.  I was feeling good until I got home and actually counted the calories that I know she’s consuming and came…

So last Wednesday we saw the doctor.  She pretty much said she should send her back to treatment based on how much weight she’s lost since discharge, but she was going to give her a week to maintain and show us she could do it.  I knew she had been restricting.  I didn’t know how…

Tomorrow we see the doctor.  It’s been almost two and a half weeks.  I’m nervous and stressed.  I know if she’s lost weight again she’s going to start talking about treatment.  But I don’t want to do treatment again.  Not this soon.  She says she’s eating.  I have zero idea what or how much.  She’s…

How do you know how to describe the emotions you’re feeling.  I certainly don’t know enough emotion words.  At one treatment center they had an emotion wheel I liked.  It started off with the simple emotions then had a more specific list from that.  I think it had 3 off sets.  Then a therapist I…

We’re down 4 pounds.  In a week.  I should not find it shocking.  Or disheartening.  But it is.  Very.  To both.  She of course does not think it’s any big deal.  She needs to know what she weighs because her plan is to lose weight to a level she’s happy with.  Then she’ll stop and…

We may have a period.  It sounds like a crazy thing to get excited about, but at 14.5 years old it’s long past time.  It also is an amazing data point for me, that her body can have a period at this weight.  Now I just need to find out what this weight is.  But…

We’ve been home for almost a week.  She’s still alive.  So I guess that is promising.  I have no idea what she’s eating.  I’m really struggling with taking on this battle.  I’m exhausted.  I’m tired.  I’m burnt out.  I don’t know how I am supposed to fight every meal and snack 6 times a day. …

We’re discharging tomorrow.  It was between that or stepping her back up to residential.  Which I don’t think will solve anything either.  She can’t stay here forever.  Unfortunately.  She fought hard about going to php today.  She’s not eating enough.  She’s already having fears about food being contaminated.  I have no idea how this will…

Thursday they wanted to move her back to residential.  She had eaten less than 1000 calories total for the last 3 days.  She was starting to decline.  I told them, let’s give her a final chance at expectations.  Her therapist met with her that afternoon and told her if she wasn’t completing 100% at php…